Daddyhunt Blog Posts from February 2009

February 24, 2009
Category: Gay Culture

Men all over the world sooner or later confront notions of what it means to be a ”real man” and inevitably compare themselves to some ideal(s) constructed by the societies in which they live. Although different societies sometimes hold up seemingly contradictory ideals of manhood, Mahatma Gandhi in India versus Rambo in the United States, to cite extreme examples, we tend to accept our own society's ideal as normal unless our understanding gets broadened by exposure to other ideals that seem to resonate better with our inner experience.

Gay men everywhere tend to find ourselves excluded to one degree or another from inclusion in the category of “real men” because of our same-sex attraction and because many societies view gay men as effeminate (like a woman).  For a man to be like a woman means he is not, in some sense, fully a real man.

The late Harry Hay, arguably the father of gay liberation, inspired by examples of “third-gender” or “two-spirit” concepts he encountered in some Native American cultures, developed a theory of gay identity apart from the prevailing notions of male versus female prevalent in non-gay society. Hay believed that most gay men learn to imitate gender-polarized, heterosexual norms of male/female as a way to survive in homophobic societies and that this imitation distorts their authentic gay identities. He theorized that if gay men could get away from heterosexuals completely, preferably in natural settings, their...

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February 23, 2009
Category: Relationships

LoveThere are many different kinds of love and many different ways to say “I LOVE YOU”.  But in my experience in relationships I’ve learned that it’s important to say what you mean and mean what you say.  Especially when it comes to the “L” word.

Love may be universal but how and when we feel love is entirely individual and personal. Some people are so in touch with their feelings of love (for themselves, for Mother Earth, for the checkout boy at Safeway) that they experience love on a daily basis. Others can only feel love in rare, fleeting moments. There is no right or wrong way of feeling love. But one thing is certain: you either feel it or you don’t.

So I try my best to never say “I love you” to a partner, boyfriend or trick unless I really feel it, in that moment. But when I do feel it and am aware of it, I also make a point to share it with the object of my affection (even if he is miles away).

And I never expect him to say “I love you” back.

Because “I. Love. You.” Is all about ME.

In fact, there’s nothing in these three magic words that refers to the feelings of the other person.

And as much as I may want to hear him say “I love you” back, I’ve learned that it’s neither fair (nor realistic) to expect him to feel towards me exactly as I...

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February 23, 2009
Category: Site News

Dear Daddyhunt Members,

On Monday February 23rd, from 1pm - 3 pm EST  we will be moving Daddyhunt to faster servers at a premiere hosting facility. While we expect that the move will be quick and easy, it may take up to two hours to completely move to the new server environment. During this time, Daddyhunt will be offline and unaccessible.

This is phase 1 of the Daddyhunt upgrade and redesign project. We very much appreciate your patience and understanding during this transition and apologize ahead of time for any problems this disruption may cause.

Thank you for your continued support!
Carl and the Daddyhunt Team

Kirk Read
February 13, 2009
Category: Dating

Dear Kirk,

So, we connected on the internet and decided to meet for drinks. Fifteen minutes after meeting (well, it really only took about 5) I realized this guy was not someone that I was interested in AT ALL! Truthfully, I was flattered when he emailed and I found out he was fifteen years younger than I am. Trying to keep a conversation going with someone whose only interests are going to Renaissance fairs, playing video games, and watching reruns of old TV shows on the Sci-Fi channel was difficult, to say the least. Especially since he never asked me one question about myself. I couldn’t call him to say I wasn’t interested because we didn’t exchange phone numbers. So, the next morning I sent a short email that I had enjoyed meeting him but didn't feel a connection and didn't think we had anything in common. Well, I got a diatribe back stating that you can't judge anyone on one conversation. So, what did I do that was so wrong?

Just Not That Into Him

Dear JNTIH:

I think you did your duty here. There are lots of guys who wouldn’t have contacted him at all, so I appreciate that you were honest with him. More and more, I find, people are using the internet to simply ignore one another. Especially with Valentine’s Day approaching, where people are looking for someone to love, it’s a good time to sharpen your dating game!

I’m curious about what sort of emails you exchanged in order to set up the date. It doesn’t seem like any of his hobbies came up in either his...

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Kirk Read
February 6, 2009
Category: Dating

Dear Kirk,

Last night I invited a guy over from the internet and was really attracted to him but couldn’t play with him because he smelled so bad – he reeked of cigarettes and body odor. Am I being uptight to expect someone to bathe before coming over?

You’re not necessarily uptight, you just have some preferences. When you’re meeting a guy, it’s safe to assume that he’ll have some preferences that are different from yours. What strikes you as a violation of basic hygiene might be the thing that makes him feel masculine and primal.

Smells are a matter of taste. There are guys who gag at the thought of a musky armpit. There are also guys who’d love nothing more than to stick their noses and tongues into a funky armpit. It’s like communion for them. There are guys who save up several days worth of stink. Maybe this guy thought you’d like it! Maybe he’s had positive responses from other men. The “no deodorant” policy has long been a staple of gay leatherman culture. There are guys who get turned on by a construction worker arriving at their house fresh from the job site, or a guy coming directly from the gym, bringing salty layers of dried sweat on his skin

As for smoking, there are guys who get really turned on by the smell of tobacco in a smoker’s beard, and there are guys who can’t kiss a smoker even after he’s brushed and rinsed.

Rather than make a checklist of  things everyone should do before meeting a...

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