Here at Daddyhunt.com, we value a certain kind of guy. That guy has many faces, many guises, but for the most part there is a certain principle at work. Most guys on this site either are or are looking for a manly man, and with HBO’s Game of Thrones set to premiere next spring, I thought this would be the perfect time to bring to light a largely untapped source of gay male inspiration.
I know what many of you are thinking. What could those Dungeons & Dragons geeks who got all those wedgies in high school have in common with you? Well, those geeks were onto something. You know what you get in fantasy books and films?
Men. Big, strong, hairy-chested, often bearded men with sweaty hair falling in front of their eyes, clad in chain mail and leather, wielding swords, some of the most primal, masculine weapons in history. They’re sharp phallic symbols. What a duel between two of these guys essentially comes down to is two hot muscle bears thrusting their steel cocks at one another, attempting to penetrate each other’s flesh. Think about it! And when they’re not doing that, they’re going around decapitating wild beasts or hunting for their dinner with knives, arrows, or even their bare hands. Hot.
Oh, and by the by, for all those foreskin enthusiasts out there, remember: there’s no circumcision in Middle-Earth.
It really is a shock to me that The Lord of the Rings Trilogy hasn’t become required viewing within the bear community. Even the twinks are bad-ass killers in those films, which are already teeming with blood-spattered, muddied up warriors… sometimes in fur pelts! And it doesn’t stop there. If you’re looking for that long, scraggly-bearded biker type, just check out John Rhys-Davies as Gimli the Dwarf. His beard is so long he can braid that shit, and all he ever seems to talk about is drinking and killing stuff with his three different axes. I would love to see the Sons of Anarchy go up against this little dude. And for those of us fond of alternative hair growth, Hobbits do have themselves some hairy feet.
This is all well and good as is, but now HBO has greenlit and started production on Game of Thrones, a new show based on the critically acclaimed novel series A Song of Ice and Fire, which will star Sean Bean, who won me over as Boromir in – yup – The Lord of the Rings. Now you don’t even have to sit through a three-hour movie to watch him kick some medieval ass. We get to watch him do so weekly without need of wussy stuff like conditioner or antibiotics. Arm’s got gangrene? Cut that fucker off!
So, my brothers, I entreat you. Check out some good fantasy from time to time, even if all the homoerotic content is in the subtext. I mean, after all, Viggo Mortensen only ever looks good with long hair anyway.