The Cuddle Buddy

February 8, 2012
I Fucking Love To Cuddle

I think we can all agree, sometimes you need a good fuck. But how many out there just need a good cuddle? I live for cuddling. And don't get me wrong, I love sexy times as much as the next guy - and ideally I want both - but lately I just want someone in my bed to watch a movie with. The problem is, the channels in which to find this are scarce. Most guys online or on the street are looking to get off, and again, that's needed, but I just want someone to stay afterwards and hang out for a bit. But this is easier said than done. For one, personalities don't always mesh. You can have incredible mind blowing sex and then, well, then things can go terrifyingly awkward. Doesn't make sense, but it happens. And you can't just call someone over for a cuddle that you haven't met yet. Groundwork needs to be laid, drinks or food need to be shared, and then maybe cuddles are appropriate. Above all else, you can't call exes to cuddle. You just can't. You can call an ex for sex (though, still not a great idea), but a cuddle is out of the question. Mostly because cuddles can sometimes be more intimate than sex. Maybe I'm doing it wrong, but oftentimes I feel closer to someone when cuddling than I do when boning. Which again makes finding a random cuddle so damn hard. I'd love to have a little black book of cuddles, but even that seems difficult to fill. As previously stated, plucking a stranger out of the blue to cuddle just won't do and it takes all the fun out of it if you don't know the guy.

I dated someone this summer and after a few starts and stops we decided to do the cuddle buddy thing. We'd meet every Sunday, have dinner at his place or mine, make out and then watch Dexter wrapped in each other's arms. It was really something wonderful. But sadly, seeing each other on a regular basis and with intimacy more along the lines of a couple, the strings we said would not be attached ended up in mess of a tangle. And now with no dates on the horizon, I don't want to just meet someone and fuck, and so I'm in search of this elusive cuddle buddy.

We've talked about the fuck buddy here before and the different interpretations of intimacy, but what's your take on the situation. Is a cuddle buddy something that can be found and kept? Or is it just an inherently complicated relationship that's not meant to exist?

Tags: cuddle, Fuck Buddy, Cuddle Buddy, Booty Call
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Post written by RobHeartsDH (View Author Profile)
About this author: Rob lives in Manhattan with his black pug Riley. When he’s not thinking about daddies, he enjoys writing, eating burritos, watching copious amounts of television, and thinking about his next meal.
View all posts by RobHeartsDH


Rob...I would be your cuddle buddy on a moments notice! One of my favorite things to do. Dinner, make-out, cuddle and watch TV or a movie...perfect evening!

As a younger male on this site I see cuddling as a huge part in any given relationship. Maybe I'm wrong, but for any relationship to work their has to be some sort of intimacy and chemistry between the two. I think cuddling is a fantastic way to show your significant other you love them and want to spend time with them, regardless of the situation.

Cuddling is critical for me...holding and being held are natural needs we all have. And, I agree, it's one of the best ways to show someone in a very concrete way how you feel about them!

A few months ago, I met a great guy online. Of course, there was amazingly hot sex. Afterward, I expected him to say thanks, leave and "see you again sometime". We laid in my bed and fell asleep in each other's furryness for about 3 hours, all the while he was snoring. We loved every minute of it. It's been five months, we get together often, and the best thing about our time together, besides the intimacy, is the warm furry cuddling--and his snoring. It's better, and healthier, than the after sex cigarette.

And let's not forget about the cuddle/hug when you greet him at the door

Thats what I want...where is my mr right....i want that when i come in from a long day at the office

Come cuddle with me any time Rob

Whoever said cuddling isn't romantic doesn't know the hell they're talking about. Cuddling after sex is sometimes better than the sex. You have someone in your arms and it's a natural high. You're watching a movie together, wrapped in each other's arms, and it could lead to something before the movie is over. I once met a guy at a bar in NYC years ago. We had our eyes on each other for a while. We finally decided to get together. Unfortunately, he ruined the moment by saying not only did he didn't like being touched but cuddling after sex. I looked at him and walked out of the bar. I still see him every now and then. Cuddling brings the end of a romantic evening to a gentle closing. What's not to like, guys?

I guess I make a distinction between orgasmic sex and intimate sex. As far as orgasmic sex goes...... nobody does me better than me. Intimate sex is a whole different matter. Intimate sex to me is a span of time.....foreplay, sex and afterglow. Cuddling can occur before, during or after. I guess to me it's the that incredible feeling of sharing the same moment in time with someone. Your body becomes an extension of mine. You add your space to my space in the universe. The problems of the world cease to exist while we are side by side. To caress you, to inhale your scent, breath in unison or even nibble on your ear while caressing your chest is really the gilt on the lily of sex.

Would love to find someone who is open to a cuddle and play buddy...would love to find a guy who would let me fall asleep while wrapped in his amrs

I can live without sex, don't really want to but I can manage. Cuddles on the other hand... it's been a while since my last relationship and I'm going through serious cuddle withdrawal.

I would love to have a cuddle buddy...


i've always figured that cuddling was simply a natural male post-coital behavior, as an excellent way for them to catch their breath and savor the lingering feelings of their orgasmic release. When i was younger i was always puzzled by it (being a bit of an Energizer bunny, wondering what we were supposed to be "doing" next instead of lazing about. LOL)

But generally speaking most men really do seem to want to linger (sometimes for another round, sometimes just to enjoy having a boy in their arms), and as i grew older i learned to lie back and relax and really take pleasure in this far more subtle languid form of physical interaction. (And of course, once i had my first real lover i learned just how intimate and soul nourishing a good long cuddle can be!)

Now i always, when being given to, or planning independently to be with, a man, try to "budget" some "after time" for him to relax and enjoy just being.

So i find it interesting that it is a topic of interest. Is it today's Blackberry 24/7 email/text connected telephonic world, that suddenly cuddling has gone so out of style in popular culture that men need to be reminded how nice it is to lie back entwined in each others arms and let the world, or the night, comfortably drift by?

Well Guys ...the best part of sex is the Making Out like a teenager and Cuddling ... However I have tried just to cuddle with a few Tender Butterfly Kisses to some hot wet passionate always end up in some Very Sweet Sex... I have been seeing this guy for about 4 months now and he asked if I minded just Cuddling but after about 20 minutes he had a Roaring Hard On ..So did I. Needles to say Every time we cuddle Sex Sweet but Hot Sex ..As a matter of Fact tonight wound up in Multiple Orgasms and at My Age that is a Miracle...Cuddling can turn Hot Sex into a Night Long Event.
Kiss and Cuddle Guys
It May Bring Multiple Rewards
You may also Fall in Love with Romance

Thats the way, uh! Huh! Uh! Huh! We like it, yes! I m cuddle buddy, he is, you are, they are n we all are.

I find cuddling and intimacy as necessary as air... I think a lot of men really want it but are afraid of it... it can be so much more intimate than sex!

One of my favorite things is being held and wrapped up in a furry man's arms... breathing in unison and just enjoying the touch, smell and feel of the moment. Maybe we just need to start a 'cuddling movement'!!

And a good first step would be adding this as a 'choice' when you are filling out your profile on this website.... as part of 'sexual interests' or maybe just as a line item all it's own.

If those of us who really enjoy this kind of interaction and posted it for everyone to see...maybe it would lead to some more kinds of intimacy... what do u think, Rob?

Some men are so afraid of the beating of a heart that all they will experience in life is the throbbing of a hard. Ironically, a studly self-avowed "sex pig" may be emotionally anorexic and malnourished without admitting as much for fear of looking "weak". Cuddling between men may therefore be considered a radical act, and one that signifies true strength.

Hear, hear!

I totally agree. I need someone to cuddle with me badly,,,

OH YEAH, Rob, damn, i could cuddle with you for days at a time, anytime! GET OVER HERE! Cuddling is one of most reassuring aspects of a relationship, or an encounter... just that amazing feeling of feeling safe in the arms of your buddy, holding each other tight, and warm, and protected and cherished... or just enjoying the amazing presence of a real man's body pressed tightly against yours... that can be so powerfully intimate.... DAMN!!

Is there such a thing as a "Cuddle Pig?" I wonder? I dont consider myself a "Pig" in any way, shape or form, but cuddling is one of the most intimate, satisfying and meaninful activities that two men can do together! Yes, a lot of times it's can lead to sessions of HOT SEX, but it doesn't have to. Sometimes you just want to hold and be held. That feeling of contentment and non-verbal communication that comes from just being in someone's arms or they in yours. It satisfies some inner need in most everyone I know. Life without cuddling cannot be a life! Well, maybe it can be for some people. Those guys who want no strings attached, who are distant and only want sex to take care of an "urge" until the next time it rears it's ugly head. Usually they have a "cold," insensitive affect. These feeling are generally due to some very bad experiences in their past and they were hurt so badly, they decided never to be intimate or vulnerable with anyone again. What a shame! Hey, if that makes them happy, then there is nothing wrong with it. I just think they are missing something wonderful in their life. It is only an opinion after all.
I like the idea that if you don't have a partner, you have a "Cuddle Buddy" you can call and get together with and just hold one another without the expectation that intimacy will HAVE to follow. Actually there would be no expectations other than just to be a comfort to one another! I think it's a great idea! I agree that there should be MORE cuddling done and that it should become a popular activity once again. Old fashioned romance and dating should once again be acceptable activities instead of being moth-balled according to many current trends. But those are topics for later discussions!
I WANT ONE!!!!!!!!

For true intimacy we need to look beyond just getting our needs met. Proposing a "cuddle buddy" is slightly more intimate than a fuck buddy. Cuddling allows for more conversation and deeper sharing than sex does. I don't think it would be easy to find someone who would opt to make cuddling the high point of a relationship. Like experience tells most of us, looking for the whole package and complete connection is a more productive endeavor. Cuddling is great, but for me, making any one thing about a man the main focus gets me no where. For my part, I'll just wait until I find the whole package.

I love to cuddle....before, during and after!

If I meet someone and think there is potential, I keep it to making out and snuggling until I get to know the guy. If I think the guy is a hot mess...emphasis on hot...its fine to have sex right a way. My R&D says you can go from snuggle buddy to dating and sex, but not the other way around.

That said, Rob, I have a huge sofa meant for snuggling. And I am a versatile spooner. When are you free?

I love to cuddle, sex isn't everything...

hmph strange to think you'd want certain men for certain times, sorta like a set of kitchen utensils. maybe thats the guise of living in a large city with little time. either way, cuddling is a big part of intimacy and passion for me, but i'm losing my sense of what im interested in, and tend to not get sexual with guys and end up making out like a kid again. a lot of times i'm left wondering that even if there is arousal it doesnt necissarily go towards sex and is that a bad thing or does it mean u can't open up fully to the sexual component? or or we just fragile creatures on the verge of our own strange times??? either way i cuddle with people i care about, girls, guys, pets, its in our nature to have contact, sexually or not, and if we lost that we also lose our sense of humanity.

If your/one's priority is just sex, then it comes as no surprize that less sexualized signs of intimacy are awkward. Intimacy can't be scheduled like a romp in the hay or, a hook-up online, because that doesn't require the type of intimacy you seem to yearn for, which accompanies knowing someone well, and caring for that individual.

I have met a few guys, and they seem to be rare, with whom cuddling, and particularly kissing has been much more satisfying than sex. Just a few hours of touching, cuddling, snuggling can be so fulfilling. I think you get a much better connection with someone on that level. I can take care of the sex thing myself, but need the warmth and touch of another man to fill my emotional needs.


I don't think anyone would disagree with the desirability of cuddling, and how great it can be.

But you specifically asked:

>>Is a cuddle buddy something that can be found and kept? Or is it just an inherently complicated relationship that's not meant to exist?<<

And I think you answered the question for yourself up above in your post, when you wrote:

>>Mostly because cuddles can sometimes be more intimate than sex. Maybe I'm doing it wrong, but oftentimes I feel closer to someone when cuddling than I do when boning...I'd love to have a little black book of cuddles, but even that seems difficult to fill.<<

Little Black Books aren't about intimacy. They're lists of people you can call on, for whatever - a date for the movies, a dinner, sex, whatever. Intimacy is something that develops, and takes time, and it's hard to maintain with multiple people at once. (It's not impossible, particularly if the form of the intimacy varies from person to person, but it's not easy for most.)

And once you do find that level of intimacy, it's hard to maintain in stasis. As you've found out, often there's a natural progression to include sex (and maybe a relationship). Other times, one or both parties decides that if there ISN'T a natural progression to a relationship, the intimacy needs to end. And sometimes, people just start to grow in opposite directions, and the intimacy doesn't come as easily any more. Non-sexual physical intimacy is like a high-wire act; it can't go on forever.

If we would develope a new catagory "Cuddle Buddy" This would be a kinder and much sweeter world !!!!!!!!!!

Penetration is good, but cuddling gives you that warm feeling of having someone. We all need a hug every now and then and i think that the amount of comments about this blog proves it.

me too

Cuddling IS the thing. My juices aren't going to flow without cuddling. In fact, cuddling for me is the destination: I don't engage in cuddling to get sex: I engage in sex to get the cuddling. Cuddling may be seen as foreplay, but for me it's the destination.

I really think it depends on how well you know the person and how much time you have together. Night times i find is easier for cuddles.. But you do have to click.I dont usually cuddle up to guy's i've just met that day mainly because the chit-chat and many questions can get awkward..

Absolutely agree on how sometimes cuddlying (and kissing) can be more intimate than sex itself.

looks like this is a favorite topic, and I'm glad. big big fan of body contact, cuddling here. good to see so many guys who have a cuddling interest. it seems that cuddling has to be part of a bigger deal. so the cuddle buddy idea sounds good in the abstract but may not work as an ongoing thing.

Wow! Spoken Like a true gay man. I've lived long enough to live for sex, hope I live long enough to live for love. Bob (robert1119)

There are a lot of users on this site. More than seven thousand are online as I type this. And this blog post has numerous comments. The general consensus seems to be: I love a good cuddle and I like the intimacy.

Now I'm confused. How come there's so many of us here that are single? If we have the emotional capacity to be intimate, how come we avoid expressing it as if it was the Black Death? How come we mostly meet for sex and nothing else?

I could write so much more but I'm going to leave it at that.

Thank you

Rob, you've had several offers to cuddle on here - I'm offering you one more! I can only imagine cuddling in your arms, watching Dexter or anything else you'd like to watch (or not watch). You're one very sexy man. :-)

Somehow I don't think Rob really has that much trouble meeting guys... for anything.

For me, cuddling is more important than the actual sex... before, during, after... whenever. If a guy is not a cuddler, it won't last long.

Why the sex vs cuddling schism?

Since we're all mammals we all need touch, but I'm finding old, unhealthy sex-negative attitudes on the rise - albeit in a different form. Assigning different meanings to sex and cuddling implies that sex is something different or special or of more worth. Problem there is that we'll just simply use sex as a manipulative weapon in order to get what we think we want. Quite obviously this kind of dark deception and trap-laying is an intimacy fail, at a fundamental level.

We need to take stock and come to understand that sex has no intrinsic meaning but it has function. For gay men, probably its most valuable function is unique and specialized communication - we don't breed. Cuddling is exactly the same thing. They only become different or opposed when we assign a price to either, or when we think one or both mean something they don't.

Intimacy is after all just a feeling. Your feelings about personal closeness to me and whether or not we "belong together" isn't likely to reflect mine without a lot of honest and open communication at all levels. For example, playing dating games like withholding sex for "something more" isn't likely to endear me to you. Why should I feel the intimacy component of intense loyalty towards you when your ideas of loving and closeness are apparently opposed to mine?

So let's man up and be a bit more honest with ourselves and with our partners. Our asses aren't vaginas and they're not very special. That kind of girly thinking predates feminism and accessible contracepttion and seems to me highly inappropriate in M2M loving. If a dude doesn't hang around after sex when you want him to - and many won't - then your mistake wasn't having sex: your mistake was simply that you projected too much baggage on somebody who may or may not be emotionally or physically able to meet your ongoing needs for intimacy, as you define it.

Hi. My whole motivation for being on this site is because I love to cuddle younger guys. Check out myprofile and you'll see thats what I am all about. My gaydar profile is called 'chub_4_cuddles' Its so nice to see a cute guy here who feels the same (just a shame yu are so far away).
Take care - and if anyone in the UK wants a dad to cuddle, let me know.

Nothing tops the serenity and joy of great cuddling. It precedes the best sex and follows on afterward to show the enjoyment and desire to linger in each others arms, revel in their presence, talk and get to know each other. From my first sexual encounters, I've always wanted and usually gotten long cuddle sessions, quite often lasting the rest of the night and often leading to multi-orgasmic sex. I love furry men and cuddling gives me a fantastic opportunity to "fondle their fur" and show my appreciation for time well spent. As I've become quite furry myself, I can really get off on other men rubbing and cuddling with my furry otter-like body. It is male bonding at its finest!

You don't want to need it so bad that anyone and everyone is bouncing around without knowing much about the social patterns of the hyperactive people coming over because its easier to be careful than it is for guys to be visiting clinics for annoying reasons. A bit of fun lasts for a bit and then many guys mood changes drastically afterwards and then they are not the same person sometimes until an hour or 2 after some special mixture.

The attendance on gaycom site is so far down in local rooms compared to 10 years ago due to each room being the same group of regulars that get around any particular city. Only the special rooms have any serious attendance due to the more rare possibility of anyone local being compatible with anything more than the idea of a drink and sliding on down the street to the next married dude and then back to the other dudes that are not aware of the social agenda of the visiting slightly tipsy traveler.

Not to make light of the desire to cuddle - which I love myself - I find that you can get about 80% of you want with a loving canine companion. Yes, a dog. My Basenji wants to cuddle more than any man I've ever been with. And he's HOT... no more "three dog nights": just cuddle up with him in bed and you'll be warm without a heater.

As a partnered man, I love my partner dearly and he's a great cuddle too. But like in most sexual relationships, one wants more than the other, and I'm that one. Enter the Basenji ;) He even likes to sleep right next to me, a very comforting and luxurious affair that I think most men can't stand because they don't want to lose any sleep to their bedmate's movements. Fortunately, Bolt sleeps like a stone.

I think there are far too many men that will go to all manner of extremes to satisfy their sexual desires, but things as basic as touching, kissing, or god forbid, cuddling, are incredibly "weak", "femme", and "girly" to them that they get immensely turned off.
I think it's easier to think of someone as a "trick" or a piece of meat if you don't have any intimate, emotional involvement with them, which to some people cuddling would be.

Often times, even back in the dark ages of the early dial-up internet, I commented to friends that there wasn't a "M4MCuddleBud" room that anyone could go to...if you wanted intimacy like that, you had to have sex, and hope the other person was into that...or when meeting someone in person somewhere.

I just think it's kind of sad that it's seen as a weakness to cuddle with someone, even if you do things before, during, after...or not. If I could find someone who was a cuddlewhore, as well as great in and out of bed, that would be the ideal man.

I believe you answered your own question when you said that sometimes cuddling is more intimate than fucking. Also some men aren't comfortable with the level of closeness cuddling requires. You could be banging a guy and never have any more body contact than cock in hole. Rarely have I not cuddled with a guy after sex, even if we never meet again.

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My husbear died a year ago. We cuddled all night every night. Even remarked (on our last night together?) that after 22 years it was a huge treat to get into bed and just hold each other.

I miss that part most of all.

How sad that so many men have no problem sexing your brains out, but are too threatened be the shared intimacy of a cuddle? The best part of being a bearlover is all that furry goodness with which to feel warm and close.