The Allure of the Heterosexual Man

June 6, 2013
Category: Wellness
Allure of the Heterosexual Man

Picture a tall, beefy, Jake Gyllenhaal. I've seen this vision every morning at my gym for the past few weeks. Massive arms, massive back, hairy chest, stomach, and a clean cut look to balance it all out. I knew he was straight when I first saw him, but that didn't stop me from striking up a conversation with him about what he was lifting. I figured, maybe, just maybe, I was wrong and he was just shy. Unfortunately for me, we started chatting, he smiled, and that's when I full on fell in love/melted into this meat head. The problem is, he's still straight and there's absolutely no chance that'll change in the near future/ever. And yet, I still find myself lost in the fantasy that every time he works out near me that may change. What is it about straight guys that makes them so damn attractive?

Well, for one they're unattainable. Issue a challenge to any man, gay or straight, and see how hard they fight to win. Then you've got the raw masculinity that so many of these straights exude. Not all, but many. And in a gay world where so many are seeking out "masc" men there's something inherently appealing about a man who need not be questioned about it. Then of course there are the millions upon millions of porn fantasies that have been put upon us all, whether it be a locker room, frat house, or bait and switch scene, a straight guy's first time is just fucking hot.

But the reality is, just as there's no hope any of us will switch teams, you're looking at a dead end. No matter how many beers you fill them with, the challenges that follow wouldn't be easy.

Most of us have fallin' in love with a straight guy, whether it be back in our school days or a passing work crush, but we want to hear your stories. And if you do have a sexy, team switching tale please be kind and share it in the comments below.

Tags: Meeting Men, He's Just Not That Into You, Relationships
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share this
Author
Post written by RobHeartsDH (View Author Profile)
About this author: Rob lives in Manhattan with his black pug Riley. When he’s not thinking about daddies, he enjoys writing, eating burritos, watching copious amounts of television, and thinking about his next meal.
View all posts by RobHeartsDH

Comments

That's a tough one for me. I've certainly fallen for a few of those unattainable guys as well...but I've finally learned that the level of intimacy that I enjoy the most comes from a man returning my interest, being open to the experience and ready to expose himself in those scariest of ways (heart and mind.)

I've kinda come to a similar mindset about the "rape and seduction fantasies" that I run across. I'm sure that rings a lot of bells for a lot of mean, gay or not. Doesn't work for me. Guess I have to figure out a way to merge romantic into hedonistic. :)

well it was some time ago.. when I first came out I fell hard for a stripper at splashbar in NYC we dated some had good sex once or twice... then when I foolishly popped the big question he fled into the arms of a female and married her... he eventually had to admit that I was just fun but in the end he was strait and that was that
it hurt like hell but you are right a dead end is a dead end no matter how long it takes to find out

You got to have sex with him once or twice. That's not a dead end.

...Exactly!
thats just Downlow denial

What a Bitch

I know the feeling of thinking you got the guy that fits all that you are looking for. Recently met a guy on A4A.. X-military army ranger guy, discreet, swimmer in high school, Irish-German(like myself), athletic, masculant, bottom that wants guidance & control. At least said he needed/wanted to have someone take charge.. He was very honest that he was married, gave too much information, and seemed to be the guy that could be a lot of fun. However after one time he tells me that even though I am the type of guy he craves, he told me afraid that he will like it too much & might risk being married..

He wasn't straight.

Hi,
I am sort of going through something like this at the moment as well. In mid-April I was taking the train home from grocery shopping and sat down across from who I thought was a really cute, young Asian male here in town taking college classes. Turns out, yes, he is straight, and taking college classes in English as a Second Language. We started talking and I said that I'd like to have coffee with him, talk and see if I could perhaps help him learn the English language better. (Being a former grade-school teacher, I think, gave me an advantage.)

We have been seeing each other for about 8 weeks now, but yes, sadly, only for sex. I made the mistake of reading way too much into the situation, felt pretty down for a couple of weeks, and then quickly came (no pun intended) back out of it feeling pretty good, actually. :)

He and I have talked about how, yes he's bi, and I'm not going to try and change him, but rather just enjoy the time we spend together until he returns to his country later this year. I also left it open to him, saying something like 'If you think you'd like to pursue something with me, I think I'd like that, but that will be up to you to let me know.'

First you say he is straight and then you say he is bi.
Why would him being bi mean that it was a dead end for a relationship - in any way?
Maybe he's just not that into you.

I had several similar experiences while I was in the military. Overseas assignments can create very close friendships, especially in a war zone. I had 3 best friends in the 4 years I was in. I was eventually propositioned by all. I responded to 2. Of the 2, one refused to deal with it after he jumped in bed with me New Years eve. This was very painful for me. Eventually he came on to me again, but I didn't respond. The other guy and I developed a strong friendship that continued after our tours were up. I ended up in NH as a result. After he professed his love and convinced me to move, he got married and had 4 children. That one took me years to get over.

Can't help but wonder if my life would have different if I responded to the third. There was definitely a strong mutual attraction.

I think a lot of people on this topic are talking about people who they have had sex with who later claim they aren't homosexual or later have a relationship with a woman.
Those men aren't heterosexual in my opinion.
(or maybe they are just very relaxed)

i don't hate myself for being gay nor do i feel i'm less than a straight man. Therefore i don't idolize them or "fall" for them or consider them more "masculine" than gay guys. "Falling" for straight guys as a habit is in my mind is a full on sign of self loathing and deeply embedded internal homophobia.

"Falling" for straight guys may be a form of self-loathing, but only if you are falling in love. But there are plenty of hot straight dudes that I find sexy. Is it self loathing on my part that I find them sexy, or am I just being honest with myself? I think its the latter.

When I was younger I would filter my feelings through a protective lens, because I was overcome with fear of being rejected, especially when it came to straight men when the fear of being rejected was mixed with a fear of homophobia. But as I got older and more secure with myself and my feelings (and as straight men in our society became less homophobic) I dropped some of my defense mechanisms and could admit to being attracted to someone who was not attracted to me. So what if I think someone is hot who is not attracted to me because he is into women? That doesn't make me self loathing. It just makes me hot for a straight guy.

I don't waste my time or expend my energy in pursing something that is unattainable. But I have had plenty of experiences where guys who are straight, or bi, or curious, (or whatever they are), that were relaxed enough with me (probably because I was relaxed with them and with myself) that it led to some pretty hot sex. I never thought that they were going to fall in love with me or that we would live happily ever after. And I never fell in love with them or wanted to mate with them for life. But we had a good time and it was a hot time for both of us. So if that is a product of self loathing and internal homophobia, bring it on.

Interesting points being made. I think ultimately you make the point that every situation is different and cannot be generalized. I'm sure in some instances the attraction to a straight man could be self-loathing, but I think, as you mention, there are plenty of valid reasons to find a straight man attractive other than self-loathing.

So.... are you a straight man, or are you gay?

In Reply to PdxDaddy: Who? Me? I'm gay. I've been having sex with other boys/men since I was 13; exclusively with men since I was 25.

What 13???and your having sex with guy at that young aged?i can't imagine how flirt are you with the guys/boys..honestly i loose my virginity at the age of 24...and i now i am 26 i only experience 6 guys...

@HoustonMan
I agree completely that homosexual men aren't less masculine than heterosexual men.
In fact, I prefer to adopt the attitude that homosexual men are MORE masculine than heterosexual men because we have no interest in femininity whereas they do.

Hey DH...could use some help here
Im a 20 year old, biracial athlete who grew up in a strict christian family (go figure, right?). I started to come to terms with who I am when I was in high school. I met someone who would change my life forever...oddly enough, it was my basketball coach. He is about 40 years old at the moment and I fell for him...hard. It got to the point where I would do crazy, idiotic things like sneak ounces of weed into school to get caught and have him pay attention to me. Things that could get me arrested. And it worked, to an extent. He grew to be a skewed-version of the father I never really had. But I loved him like crazy and even though Im in my third year of college right now, I just cant seem to get him off my damn mind. It messes with my relationships (or lack thereof) and even hinders me on the basketball court sometimes. I want to tell him how I feel. Not to elope with me and magically become gay (he has a wife and two baby daughters) but just to sit down with him and let him know whats been goin on. And it wouldnt be out of the blue, i had written him a letter (at the suggestion of the head of my high school) and vaguely pointed out that I "kinda sorta liked him". Im sorry for the long post, but I could really use some advice from you all. I dont get to talk to other gay men very often. I want to start the healing and I want to have a normal relationship with a guy I really love, because I know I got tons of love to give.
Feel free to always shoot me a message if you have any ideas for me =). You don't know how much I would appreciate it

Thanks, and God bless.

Cmj
The strict Christian household tends to indicate a dynamic of looking outside yourself for structure, instead of looking within for your truth. Getting attention like you did was absolutely normal when you have few emotional tools as a teenager...best not to beat yourself up about what you did not know. I'm sure like the rest of us, you have plenty of love to give, that is not the problem....it is more likely what are you able to receive? That comes with self acceptance and self love...something that tends to be rare in "strict Christian homes". Seek out a good gay therapist please

cmj:
There's no way to tell him that you are sexually attracted to him without telling him you are sexually attracted to him.
Just because he is married with kids doesn't indicate anything about his sexuality whatsoever.
So, in my opinion you have two choices:
1. Tell him you are sexually attracted to him (by written word or face to face).
2. Have sex with others and gradually forget about him and remove him from your life.

In my opinion, option 1 is the best option.
If he is heterosexual and there is no chance of anything at least you will know and can get on with your life.
If he is not heterosexual, then he might not admit this to you immediately.
Anyway, best of luck with it.

Sex with straight men is always we servicing them and nothing in return. That doesn't cut for me. I have bedded straight men and it is like having sex with plastic dolls. Having a partner that wants you as much as you want him is so much better. This concept is so entrenched in my head that I really have no interest in straight guys regardless how perfect they may look. I seriously rather a mediocre gay guy over a straight Adonis. Besides with a straight guy I never know what is wrong or what is right by him. With gay guys we can be ourselves and not worry how we will be taken. I am in a stage in my life that I rather not play roles and just be myself.

The matter is simple. All sexual identity is malleable. This is the great secret, and it is precisely why gays flee women and straights fear or flee gays. Yes, in the real PRIMAL world, the world that societies DENY, there is nothing called "GAY" and nothing called "STRAIGHT". This ought not be cause for wonder, but conventional thinking of any kind always works to make it so. Why? Because understanding and growing aware of that FINAL profound identity is the most unsettling to all conventional thinking and all conventional social order. Without a doubt, however, the world will one day come to just that stage of understanding; and when being "Gay" or "Straight" is as outmoded as being Slave or Master, or Christian and Jew, or any other duality, we will finally obtain the realm of true freedom promised by every potential relationship.

Very nice; I agree.

I agree too. Sexual preference is just that: a preference. It is not some genetic trait. If you have any doubt, just check out what is happening in every prison. Or do some reading about homosexuality in ancient Rome and Greece. The whole concept of being born gay is an idea that was born out of oppression; as if there is something wrong with being gay so you have to make an excuse for it by saying you were born that way.

And anyone who tells you they remember being "gay" when they were a child (a child under 7 or 8 years old) is actually experiencing a memory of a memory of a memory, and it is very difficult to separate what is real memory from what is the overlay of other memories and feelings and thoughts. Human beings are not born with a sexual preference; sexual preference is formed by a complex intersection of psychological, sociological, chemical, physical, cultural, and emotional factors. And that doesn't mean it is a choice.

Saying you were born gay or straight is like saying you are born preferring chocolate over vanilla, or the color red to the color blue. The reasons for these preferences are varied and complex. And there is no reason to inquire about the "cause" of such a preference unless there is some perceived advantage to one over another. Nobody asks if a baby was born preferring the color red to the color blue - because it doesn't really matter: red and blue are both good colors.

I agree with this.
Very well said.
Where did the oppression of homosexuality come from though, and why?

It probably came from religion which was a tool of politicans who wanted to control the people so that it would be easier for them to make money without having to do real work.

Where did the oppression of homosexuality come from? I would guess it had something to do with the fact that until quite recently in human history, reproduction was crucial to maintain the population of the species, so homosexuality was not favored from a biological point of view; and eventually it was considered to be antisocial in many societies.

And anal sex was associated with contracting various diseases, and the concepts of homosexuality and anal sex were (and still are) conflated in peoples minds; so homosexuality was taboo in many societies that managed to survive for many centuries (hence the fate of Sodom and Gomorrah in the Book of Genesis).

But who really knows for sure.

This is an interesting train of thought. Of course to agree one would have to believe that the assertion "human beings are not born with a sexual preference" is an absolute truth. When there is guidance, example, and positive reinforcement toward a certain behavior, a nurturing so to speak, and we cast that aside for a contrasting and unaccepted behavior, then we have to give allowance to the logical conclusion that nature has trumped nurture. It may not be a certainty but it does present a strong argument. While there is no concrete proof that homosexuality is genetic, there is no proof it is not. There are, however, studies that have examined genetic mapping and historical relevance and when put to the scientific method, the evidence strongly suggests that sexual orientation, in it's myriad forms, is biologically determined. Homosexuality is more common in humanity than any human constructed concept. It is found in both genders, it has been around since ancient times despite the societal acceptance or ban of the time, it is present in every race and in members of every religion. Such a prevalence is generally attributed to phenomenon that is inherent to the species, like being left handed. Human beings may not be born with a sexual preference, but they are probably born with a sexual orientation.

I would challenge the assertion that there are "studies that have examined genetic mapping and historical relevance and when put to the scientific method, the evidence strongly suggests that sexual orientation, in it's myriad forms, is biologically determined".

First, I don't know what you mean when you say "genetic mapping and historical relevance" was examined and "put to the scientific method". And what exactly is the evidence that "strongly suggests that sexual orientation" is biologically determined?

There is no significant body of scientific data that has been generated by research that has held up under the scrutiny of pier review that suggests that "sexual orientation" or "sexual preference" is a genetic or biological trait that someone is born with. In fact, there are no objective, observable characteristics associated with any particular "sexual orientation" or "sexual preference" that could be identified in new born baby. Such characteristics are sociological and psychological concepts that could only be determined by interviewing a subject or observing them engaged in sexual activity; they have nothing to do with "genetic mapping and historical relevance".

And do you mean when you say that "homosexuality is more common in humanity than any human constructed concept"? Yes, homosexuality can be found in most, if not all cultures, and in many, if not all religions. But you will certainly find more homosexuality in Holland than you do in Somalia. And you will certainly find more homosexuality among members of Unitarian churches in San Francisco than in Amish communities in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. The point is that none of these things are evidence that sexual orientation is a trait that human beings are born with.

And the fact that homosexuality persists despite social disapproval does not show that it's an immutable trait that exists at birth. Human societies universally disapprove and punish certain types of conduct, such as theft, rape, murder, assault, etc. Yet in every culture in every corner of the world, there are always certain members of society that disregard the social disapproval and the threats of punishment and commit criminal acts like theft, rape and murder. But the fact that criminals exist in every culture despite the threat of harsh punishment such as imprisonment and death, is not evidence that people are born criminals, or are even born with a "criminal orientation", if you want to mince words. In fact, history shows that every theory suggesting that criminality is a genetic characteristic present at birth has been proven false by the scientific method.

Finally, you state, "[w]hile there is no concrete proof that homosexuality is genetic, there is no proof it is not." This is the classic logical fallacy know as Argumentum ad ignorantiam (argument to ignorance). This is the fallacy of assuming something is true simply because it hasn't been proven false. You argue that although there is no proof that homosexuality is genetic, there is no proof it is not. But failing to prove something is false is not the same as proving it is true.

I know, I'm a nerd who thinks and argues too, too much. But I can't help it; I was born this way.

For me, it's their lack of self consciousness. I'm always aware of myself and how I act to others, particularly guys. And most straight guys just...don't. They're clueless in many ways, as the individual gos, but they don't always check themselves, or watch what they do. Too many years of being cautious as a kid and young adult in my case I guess. Right now I have a "99.9% straight" guy chasing me with all the fervor that .1% can muster. I almost don't want to do anything, because the flirtation is so much fun. If anything happens -- and it might this weekend -- I'll let you all know.

Ugh omg this is the torture of my life. I am attracted to straight/married men. AND YES, I think the large part of it is that they are unabtainable. BUT, now I have had this really good friend for about two years now. He is not the best looking person in the world, but I find him cute. I LOVE his personality and sense of humor. Whenever I hang out with him all I do is laugh. He is very very supportive of the LGBT community and is even coming to pride with me next weekend, and yes I could have sworn on his birthday he tried to kiss me after many beers and bourbon shots. But i KNOW he is straight and likes women, and I do not want to lose my friendship with him but DAMN, I could spend everyday for the rest of my life with him.

You know, in the old days (like 100 years ago) men had friendships with other men that were extremely close and intimate and emotional (women did too) but not sexual. And they often hugged and embraced each other when they met, and they often wrote long, emotional letters to each other setting forth their fondness and affection for each other. And it was not uncommon for them to sleep in the same bed when they were visiting each other or traveling together. If you want to see what I am talking about, read the correspondence of Abraham Lincoln, or other famous men of the 18th and 19th century (and even the early 20th century). They did everything but have sex. My point is that you can be very close to a guy that is straight, and you can even be quite affectionate with him, without having sex. And you can get a great deal of emotional satisfaction from it. Sex isn't everything and there are other places you can get sexual satisfaction. Don't be limited by society's concepts about love and sex and sex roles and sexual relationships. If you and your friend have a lot of love, and you admire him and think he is handsome, and he likes and admires you, but he happens to be heterosexual, just enjoy yourselves. You can have a close, intimate friendship without having sex with each other, and while having sex with other people. It might not seem perfect, and it isn't exactly the ideal situation according to the our society's ideals of romantic relationships because it doesn't look like Ozzie and Harriet (or Ozzie and Ozzie).

But it sounds like you both have a lot of emotional and physical affection for each other; he probably did try to kiss you after too many beers and shots - which doesn't necessarily mean he wants to have sex with you; it's natural to want to kiss people you love. I kiss my dog and my nephew and my cousin all the time, and I don't want to have sex with any of them. And it sounds like you both enjoy each others company. So don't worry about all the things you read in magazines about romantic relationships. You should just enjoy your friendship and have a good time together.

And remember that sex isn't everything. And if you don't believe me, just go check out any marriage that has lasted more than 25 years. Most people who are married for more than 20 or 25 years no longer have sex but they still get a lot of emotional satisfaction and benefits from their relationship. And living in the modern world gives you the flexibility to be in love with your friend and and have sex with other guys. Nothing last forever, so just enjoy it while you can. Your situation sounds like it's a lot more fun and interesting than most of the couples I know in committed relationships.

"...and that's when I full on fell in love/melted into this meat head."

No.

That's when you fell in LUST/morphed into a silly middle-school-aged boy with a crush on a stranger who you find physically attractive.

It happens.

A mature man differentiates between lust and love and may enjoy the sight of his "straight boyfriend" at the gym, but directs his libidinal energies toward a more appropriate and receptive target.

If you're looking for "Mr. Right" the straight guys are all "Mr. Wrong". But if you are looking for "Mr. Right Now"? Could be.

As for the idea that straight guys are not all that good in bed - sad to say but not ALL guys are good in bed. And straight or gay or bi has almost nothing to do with it (though how "into you" a guy is probably affects his/their performance).

Fact is i've been taken home by gay guys who were ernest but, well, just "meh". And i've had straight guys who were so into doing me over and over and over again through the night that i saw stars and felt the earth move under my... (well, OK, so maybe we were not on our feet but i assure you after running through every position we could think of we were both "spent" LOL).

why bother? there are so many great gay men. If someone doesn't know if they like apples or oranges by , like, 24, they are too inexperienced for me. I know there are "bisexuals"; (right?) to me that's just double the drama potential and there's enuff of that with a gay man. Earth to gay men: keep it sweet, real , sincere, and realize love is kind of a sacred pursuit.

+1
There are enough magnificent homosexual men.
I think people get to the age where they are bored with having sex with men who have had sex with a lot of men.
They think it would be exciting to have sex with a man who has always wanted to have sex with a man but has never done it (or only very rarely).
They think that such men will be really horny.

I've had married men flirt with me. But it all comes down to two things:

1. I don't want his wife to castrate me.

2. Straight men suck in bed. Need evidence? Think of all the sex guides out there. There are so many women that are sexually frustrated out there. If straight men can't even eat pussy, how are they going to rim a man? Maybe if all women were sexually satisfied, then maybe we'd have something to envy. But that is not the case at all.

Here's the thing about straight people, men and women: the vast majority of them have very limited sexual experience. My best friend is a straight guy who is good looking and cool and he has always been a big lady's man. He lived in NYC for his entire adult life. And he works in the entertainment biz and has had a lot of girlfriends, and he has been married twice, and he was always getting caught cheating on his girlfriends. So a few months ago we were talking and I asked him how many women he has slept with. And he said about 50. And I thought what a tiny number that was. As I hit 50 by the age of 19 at the latest. I won't even try to guess the number as of today... but you get the idea.

The point is that most heterosexual men and women have had a much, much smaller number of sexual partners than gay men. I know this is old news (and it's kind of a politically incorrect topic at this point). But considering that most straight people have had such a limited number of sexual partners, they really all lack sexual experience; and as a result, most of them are just not too great in bed. They don't even have the sexual experience that I had at age 19. And even though I had a hot time when I was 19, looking back I realize now that I really didn't know what I was doing until I was 35 or 36.

So pity the poor heterosexual. Most of them will just never ever have enough sexual partners to get really really good at sex. I realize that sex isn't everything, and quality is more important than quantity. But all in all, I am really happy that I lived my life as a sexually active gay man. Because on a scale from 1 to 10, I would have to give my sex life an 11.

as a married man - i think your generalized statement may abit dramatic. Altho, I do agree,an experienced gay man is usually very focused and intense in bed. Go gays! I found mikesmithxx's veiws abit alarming,with so much research pointing to other opinions,but, it was very well stated.

Hi hardonstan:

My comment was a mixture of humor and what has been expressed to me by women. Many women reveal things to gay men that they wouldn't dare tell straight men. Or maybe they just feel comfortable revealing certain things to me. It's great, though, that we get such diverse comments on these posts.

have you been talk'n to my woman? What can I say - luv my cuddle/suck buddies. Take care,dude.

Well thank you, hardonstan, for saying my comment was well stated. But what did you find alarming about my what I said? I ask, not to be defensive, but because I often get that reaction, and I am not sure is alarming about my comments.

True. Yeah straight men are sexy, and Ive personally found ALL MEN never seem to turn down sex, but why should 'WE" as the "GAY MEN" always be the ones with our ***Hearts Broken*** over them, chasing after the straight ones, Idiolizing them, and bowing down to meet their every need(when they KNOW they can "have" us) at anytime, Anyway?..,
Ive Personally found, TO BE myself, and out, and proud, and masculine, and Honestly Homosexual(not tied down to a wife), and not Adhering to ANY of the likes of the "Straight Lifestyle" getting married/ect.. just so happens to be the ultimate 'TURN ON" to straight men, Period! & Yup!
Why? .. because they have TOLD me this.. many many times.

- and then They go on to tell me they "Envy" me.. and "Admire" me.. and then they want to schedule an "Outing" or "Sleep Over" or "Trip" with me. Then want to come over to my House and "Hang out", Drink Beer and ~"Hang"~ ... LOL (see where this is going?.....) everytime..

C'mon,.. I wasnt born yesterday... & my Answer to this nonsence is as what "Yours" should be as an Open, and Honest, and Out, and Proud Gay Man ....
- "NO, No, No, (giggle) no..... but Thankx Hunee".. then smile and walk Away and see what happens...

Now If they leave the wife in 6 months and come knockin on your door carryin all their bags, ***THEN*** let them in, let them sleep in yer bed. Put yer Arms around them, kiss them, and THEN put your Heart into it, cause it will only be ~THEN~ that ya might got somethin, Otherwise, ya Got nothin..
Take Care Of Yourselves.. and PROTECT your Hearts.. AMEN!!

"ALL MEN never seem to turn down sex"
Correct, homosexual men never turn down sex with women.

I guess the most frustrating thing to me is the straight guys who wanted sex with me but I wouldn't respond. It's so different for younger guys now. The black and white lines of sexuality are really getting blurry and what would've branded one with the 'gay' label years ago is now just boys having boy fun.

I did have a victory over a straight man, he's in his early 30's, hairy all over, not that muscled, but not fat either. I got introduced to him through a mutual friend because he followed a massage course and I had done the same in the past. To make a long story short, it didn't take long (a month or 3) for him to allow me to go down on him ;)

As a retired military officer, I can attest to the fact that a lot of straight/married men can be had. It's usually episodic, but damn - they were a hellova a lot of smokin hot man to man. I termed it "catch and release," as they were damn all one shot. Some just wanted to experiment with man to man sex, or were so damn horned up, a blow job is a blow job.

Aren't "straight" guys "straight" and that's that? Come on, guys... The ones that cross are bisexuals. There is no straight man that has man on man sex, he is bi. A straight man is heterosexual and only sleeps with women, period.

So, there's me. I'm married to a woman, I have two kids, house, all of this. I recently decided it is time to come out and go through a divorce. This sucks, I have a sweet family that I support on my own. It's going to hurt a lot... But I'm not straight, and I need to be free... So, is the "straight " man married to a woman but unwilling to come out? No! He's gay (I admit I'm gay) or Bi.

You can't have a straight man in bed, guys!

I have a best guy friend of 23 years. I've loved him (very secretly) since we were 17, and at 40... He (and he tells me I am as well) is very attractive with a great body... He broke up with a girl he had dated for 8 years, I came over to his place to talk and help him through his rough time as a platonic friend... What happens? We fucked for three days! And I mean HOT man sex! He was extremely orally fixated on my cock and BEGGED me to top him bareback and cum inside him... The most fun was teaching this handsome man how to properly have sex with a man... What a thrill, and what a bond!

I had to eventually leave, and we're back to being "bros" again...

Is he straight? He says so... He's not. He's now bi. We used each other passionately and let it go. But he crossed the straight line, he's no longer straight, or matter what he or anyone else says!

And it (hot sex between us) will happen again, I'm certain. I know or he wants what I have, but tells me he won't. He's waiting until I live alone... Unfortunately he's not the one I want forever... I don't know who that person is yet. That's why I'm here.

XO

Falling for a "straight" man, yeah it can happen. The attraction is, in the ideal, straight guys are after all, all of them, "top men" and know what to do with it. Or so the fantasy would go. Its probably more sensible to stop thinking of "straight" as a color like black or while, and more like a preference that has some flexibility, its called hetro for a reason, its an attraction.
Adolescent boys often like to "explore" because they are so horned up they'll try anything. Most guys from South American are familiar with the idea of "el hombre" a guy so stoked on testosterone he will stick it in anything, especially other boys. Its a rare man who would turn down a blow job when he was ultra-horny. And so on and so forth.
So gym guy, lets see, buddy up with him, let him know which team you play on, and if its a sincere bond of friendship, he will be interested in what you do, and how, and with who. If a guy tells you about pussey he has shagged, you can tell him about a piece of as you got. Respect the guy, make it clear you are not making a pass, if he is interested its up to him to make the first move.
And keep in mind many married guys will do it with another married guy (there are web sites, really) and keep it zipped around you

I am gay. I have 0 interest in hetero men. Period.