Perfecting the Daddy Work/Life Balance

August 13, 2013
Category: Wellness

As gay men we live pretty active lives. Lives that are as diverse as the community of which we're a part. Many of us strive for success in every aspect of our everyday existence, but finding the right balance between those aspects can get tricky. I imagine a good portion of you are focused on meeting the right guy. For others, meeting someone is just a flicker of a thought because work takes up all of your time. It's not always easy to create a life where both work and relationships have equal footing. This is especially true when you break things down by age bracket. Perhaps in your early 20s you partied hard and creating a successful career was something that could be started in your 30s. Or maybe it's the exact opposite and you were driven in your 20s and 30s to get to the top, only to find yourself in your 40s with a comfortable lifestyle and no one to share it with. Either way, finding the right mix of these crucial components is key.

Sometimes it's not even in our control. I've met plenty of men who were laser-focused on their careers and nothing else, while other men sought success through finding a life partner - both parties being hardwired that way. Being in the latter group for the majority of my 20s, I've reached a point where my priorities have shifted and I find myself focused solely on my career at the moment. Having always hoped that something else would grab hold of my attention other than dating, I'm actually happy to be so career focused and not have the time to think about relationships. It's a relief actually. And even in feeling that, I still know that this sole focus could one day be a regret.

We'd love to hear from the you all on this one and see what paths you've all taken. Have your lives been more focused on career or love? And what lessons have you learned along the way?

Tags: Work, Play, Live Better
Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share this
Post written by RobHeartsDH (View Author Profile)
About this author: Rob lives in Manhattan with his black pug Riley. When he’s not thinking about daddies, he enjoys writing, eating burritos, watching copious amounts of television, and thinking about his next meal.
View all posts by RobHeartsDH


I really think the concept of live/work balance is totally bogus!

For me, that idea implies that I hate my life or my work, so it has to be balanced by loving the other. Since I actually love both of my careers and I'm living a life I like (other than being single), there's nothing to balance. It's all good, whichever side of the ledger it's on. I wish everyone else were as lucky.

Happy Hump Day, everyone. I hope you all get to celebrate the day with appropriate activities.

I have a 'perfect' life: For me anyway! An underprivileged childhood, drive, hard work & luck propelled me through great schools, into a successful career...add a cozy house & lovely garden and funny/furry pets...OK, you get the picture. I get annoyed by my smoldering desire, and the cultural pressure for something 'romantic'..."married" even! Then I remember my life is NOT broken & there is nothing to fix here: Historically, the cost/benefit ratio of my relationships indicates unwise 'investments' were made...LOL...oh well, but Balance? WTF: Bring on the NEXT big, sexy, handsome grifter with a romantic flamethrower to torch my 'balanced' life! Sweeeet! ;-)

Traditionally men are supposed to be hard-wired to focus on career in the 20s and settling down in their 30s. That's presumably non-gay guys. Me I just focused on my gaiety...cruising through life on self-imagined charm and good looks. The millionaire and the yachts and the South of France didn't materialize but a good time was had by all. (Pity the good time didn't include a good formal education though.)

I'm career-focused now and it's paid off in terms of $$$ and satisfaction. I'm pleased I did it in that order because gay does have its use-by date and you have to grow up and become a man for yourself, and to yourself. It's good to be able to say "Yeah I've sorta had it all" rather than starting the gay adventure of endless searching when it's actually time to be the strong, stable and loving older man who's attractive to somebody for all the right reasons. You get to be a good Dad because you have something of real value to offer - not because you've turned 45 and want to recapture your youth.

In short though, I never dedicated any part of my life exclusively to anything. We're where we need to be at any given time in our life. A balance would be nice for all of us, and it's a wise goal because we're happiest when our life is integrated across home, family, partner and community.

I wouldn't wish anything less for my brothers!

I just read this and think you nailed it. Good to know folks have their heads screwed on right.

i would respectfully suggest that the "balance" of any human being's life is not found in a the reckoning of a single day, or a week, or even some random number of years. If "balance" (however one chooses to define it) is found, it is found, measured and appreciated across a lifetime.

i would also respectfully submit that ones man "balance" is not another's, anymore than the joys and pleasures of one man will would also be the joys and pleasures of another. (After all, the joy's of even one's own childhood do not necessarily define the joys of one's youth, or middle age, anymore than they must define the joy's of life's twilight, right?)

i think one simply do the best one can. If one were to give advice, perhaps it best to simply say both for oneself and for those around one, try to live kindly and honestly and lovingly in everything you do.

Life is what you make of it; and how much attention we pay to what happens. Happiness is elusive, but contentment is not. As humans, we often do things not in our best interests. How do we balance career and pleasure in life? Who knows? It's different and should be different for everyone. People are driven by different urges, and so much of gay life seems to be pointless, largely because of the age factor. I have a simple philosophy of life. Don't live in the past, it can't be changed, and no point bemoaning that.

Don't live too far in the anticipation of things to come, or cum, when it happens, then what. Try to enjoy today, because that's what we have. There are many ways to enjoy life. An important things is not to have too many regrets. Straight people have the expectation of marriage in there lives which brings a sense of order, but also many responsibilities. So other than the financial benefits at present denied to as as well as many indignities visited on us, gay marriage is not the panacea that so many seem to think it is. With marriage comes legal responsibilities, not just emotional ones.

Keep an open mind, pay attention. I know whereof I speak, since I was married to a woman for 30 years, divorced 20 years, and have 2 daughters, have 2 grandsons, 79 years old, and doing fine with no life threatening illnesses.

I'm always looking for romance but I also realize that focusing on that is not going to get you a partner; I just won't work. my thought be open and keep your eyes open but you don't have to make the search a constant process.

When I was in my early 20's I was very set on my career and I loved it until I was in my 30's when I injured my back and was forced into retirement with a good pension. Now I have the love of my live a house and 4 absolutely loveable cats and a Partner who is relentless about making sure I do not hurt my self again. I am now approaching 50 and I am loving live and living it to the fullest.