Gay Daddy & Bear Blog: Age Appropriate

If the chills I got watching the trailer for the new (and very buzzed about) documentary How To Survive A Plague are any indication, this movie is going to be extremely emotional, powerful, and ultimately wrenching.

"How To Survive A Plague is the story of two coalitions—ACT UP and TAG (Treatment Action Group)—whose activism and innovation turned AIDS from a death sentence into a manageable condition. Despite having no scientific training, these self-made activists infiltrated the pharmaceutical industry and helped identify promising new drugs, moving them from experimental trials to patients in record time. With unfettered access to a treasure trove of never-before-seen archival footage from the 1980s and '90s, filmmaker David France puts the viewer smack in the middle of the controversial actions, the heated meetings, the heartbreaking failures, and the exultant breakthroughs of heroes in the making."

The film opens September 21 in select cites and is a stunning and inspirational account of the early days of this disease and why we all need to stand up and fight.

Did you know that in some states you can go to jail for not disclosing your HIV status? There are laws, in 32 states no less, that have been built on stigma and fear and allow for people, like Nick Rhoades, to be sent to jail. Rhoades was sent to prison for not disclosing his HIV+ status to a one-time partner, even though he used a condom and his viral load was, at the time, undetectable. Said partner was never infected and yet Rhoades' life was turned completely upside down. CNN has the full story which I urge you to read.

I recently worked with the Sero Project, a nonprofit whose focus is to end inappropriate criminal prosecutions of people with HIV for non-disclosure of their HIV status, potential or perceived HIV exposure or HIV transmission, among other things. Their site is a resource center that is not only combatting stigma and fear based laws, but protecting those that it need it most. They've got a useful map on their homepage so you can find out what your states statues are and show you how to take action to help get them removed.

I fear that this is something that not many people are/were aware of. I know I wasn't. But I'm glad it's starting to get the attention it deserves.

How many of you knew about these laws?

Over on the AARP's site, they've put together a list of tips for gay men over 50 looking to date. All are pretty spot on, especially the part about ageism and valuing your age and applying those lessons learned into better decision making. Oddly enough, these dating tips can really apply to any age:

1. Confront your fears
2. Embrace your new reality
3. Pick your meet 'n' greet venues wisely
4. Be self-aware, not rigid
5. Realize you can be single and happy

Granted, #3 is reliant upon knowing yourself, something that really only comes with age and experience. #2 could really apply to any reality, whether you're new to the dating scene or, like they say in the article, "have been there done that". Authenticity and acceptance are really the key to any happy human, and when you're able to embrace those things (i.e. be content with with being yourself) the rest seems to fall into place. All too often we put too much pressure on the things we want most in life, which for many gay men is a partner (be it sexual or life long). The gay community doesn't make things any easier, but that doesn't mean the cycle of negative thinking and behavior can't be broken. Being confident with who you are and what you want, is something gay men take note of (whether they admit it or not), and often times will pass it on. There's nothing more comforting then knowing that you can be 100% yourself and be 100% successful at life.

Drinks. Dinner. Transactional conversations of what you do, where you grew up, what you like, blah, yada, blah. If this sounds like your typical first date, you're not alone. Maybe it's just me, but it feels like first dates have gotten stale. Whether it's from playing it safe or trying to keep your enthusiasm in check, it seems that these days most first dates just go through the motions. Don't get me wrong, drinks are always a safe and trusted first outing for getting to know someone. This is especially true when the date is going nowhere and you're able to excuse yourself after the second round. But all too often these dates can feel scripted and stale. Which is why I'm putting an initiative out there to start getting creative with first dates and start making them more of an experience. Some of the greatest dates I've been on are ones that are active, adventurous, and best of all unpredictable. If you're the planner, there may be some hesitation in putting effort into a first date (oh the games we play), but something as simple as going to the batting cages or checking out a new art gallery can shake things up without creating too much fanfare. What makes these types of dates so great is that they allow you to concentrate on more than just making yourself sound interesting and create ample ideas that lead to stimulating and insightful conversations about one another.

So we want to know, whether it worked out or not, what's the best first date you've ever been on? Let's share our stories and inspire each other with new ideas to spice up dating. If all goes...